Taming the Inner Critic…

Most of us have it, that sneaky internal critical chatter that talks, talks, talks - all day, non-stop.

And while some of that chatter can be useful…

• “Don’t forget to pick up groceries. I can’t wait to try that new recipe!”

• “Oh, that’s a great idea for my work project. I’m feeling so creative today!”

• “Wow, my hair looks good today. Did I use new shampoo?”

Most of the dialogue is not so kind….

• “Why didn’t I stand up for myself in that meeting? I’m such an idiot!”

• “I have so much to do. I’ll never get all of this done in time. Why can’t I be more productive?”

• “These jeans feel so tight. I’ve been eating too much junk food and have no self-control.”

• “Why didn’t I get invited to happy hour? No one likes me. I have no friends.”

Now, this may or may not resonate with you, but you get the point. Much of our inner dialogue can be critical and self-defeating. And it doesn’t feel good.

Thoughts like this might follow you throughout the day, or perhaps, they sneak in while staring at the ceiling wide awake at 3:00am.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that inner critic would cool its jets, or even better, go away completely?

Well, good news. You CAN take action. Here’s how:

1. Notice it: Much of our inner dialogue runs in the background (like those 20 open tabs on your computer). Pay attention and notice its tone, pace, volume, etc. If’s it’s loud, can you make it quieter? If it’s fast, can you slow it down?

2. Listen to it: What is it saying? How is it saying it?

3. Get curious: Ask the thoughts, “What do you want from me? Are you trying to help me? If not, can you try to help me instead of hurting me?”

4. Ask it, “Is this true?”: Boom. The big question. Is what it’s saying even true? Often, it’s not.

5. Remember, you are not your thoughts: Imagine your mind as a big white space, and inside it are a bunch of beautiful balloons. Those balloons symbolize your thoughts. And if one of those thoughts is nasty and unhelpful, pop it! You’ll still be you! Because thoughts are just a piece of us and are not our entire being.

6. Choose different thoughts: Once you’ve noticed, listened, gotten curious, verified truth, and separated the inner critical thoughts from yourself, it’s time to CHOOSE. “Do I keep this negative messaging in my head, or do I DECIDE to create a different thought that will be more loving, compassionate, and helpful for my state of wellbeing?” Which one feels better?

Remember, taming that inner critic takes time. Perhaps the process will never end. But while awareness and tools, perhaps it can cool its jets after all.